Sexual Abuse and Globalization

1 month back:

News flash: (Tamil Nadu): A young woman, Swathi, was brutally hacked to death by a young men. Incident happened early in the morning in Chennai, at the crowded Nungambakkam Railway Station.

The killer walked away from the spot and no one chased him or took a photo / video on their phones. Police reached the spot 2 hours later. This incident has created a big outcry in the media, and among the public.

6 years back:

It was 8 PM in Chennai. I got down from the local train at Kodambakam Railway station. I had to walk though a few by-lanes to reach home. There were many passers by and street lights were on.

As I waited to cross the road, I felt someone push me aside. I looked up to see a man standing right next to me. I also noticed his hands coming towards me again. I asked him what he wanted. He replied back with a sheepish smile, without withdrawing his hands. I yelled at him saying he ought to watch his hands or be ready to face the police. I was scared and angry that I ran till I reached my  room.

I have faced similar incidents through out my tenure in  Chennai. While I write this, similar incidents are happening to many young children, teenage girls, working ladies and mothers across India. They face similar feelings of vulnerability and insecurity.

25 years back:

India was very different 25 years back. Streets in India were safer for women. In those days, it was common to see well-dressed stylish young men lingering near residential areas and universities to ‘watch’ young ladies. I remember seeing well dressed uncles loiter around our residential area to watch the young school and college going akka’s. But no one dared to go near or touch unknown ladies in public places.

A comparison…

25 years back, there were no hi-tech smart phones and CCTV cameras. Yet, an incident like Swathi’s murder in broad day light in a crowded public place could not have happened. Public would have raised the alarm, and chased behind the murderer. Passers by would have rushed the victim to a hospital immediately.

But today’s reality has let the murderer walk away leisurely from the spot, and no one went near the victim for 2 hours till Police arrived on the scene.

Bangladesh

Safety for women in India

What happened in the last 25 years ?

In the 1990s, India embraced globalization. It opened the door to lots of financial changes.  Education and career options became wide spread. It became easier to find jobs that paid well. Traditionally conservative women ventured out to colleges. They also got high paying jobs. Men and women interact and mingle a lot. Party culture, along with IT and BPO jobs have led to more women on the streets at night.

On the other side, Gloablization has also brought many social changes. There are realistic portrayal of crimes and social extremes in media. Films that portray brutality are appreciated by the public for their realism. TV channels bring all latest brutal crimes right in to the house. TRP is the norm of the day… As a result, common man’s mind has become used to crimes.

We have become numb to crimes and brutality. Unless something extremely brutal happens, there is no public outcry for the common everyday crimes. India is definitely not headed towards a safe zone.

The future…

Since globalization, India has been changing its social mindset. In the past, our culture and traditional practises were at risk due to globalization. But now, India has found a balance between international exposure and its own cultural identity.

Similarly, we are now going through a phase where human rights and personal freedom are at risk. We have to find a balance between modern lifestyle vs gender / religious / caste identity, and embrace humane feelings.

Globalized India has to pass this phase, and emerge out as a balanced and more humane society. Only time will tell how and when this happens.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Living in the country side

In India (and most of Asia), country side has 2 meanings – 1. Rural villages, 2. Lonely farmlands. Villages offer a close knit community where every knows and watches you. Lonely farmlands offer ample of solitude and nature.

We relocated to a lonely country side a few years back. Till then, I have lived in many cities across countries. I had always dreamed of living in the country side. Yet, nothing had prepared me for the real country side. Life in the country side is completely different from city life. From small aspects like cleaning and shopping, to financial and economic aspects, my entire view of life has undergone a drastic change.

Farmland 2

At first, beautiful scenery and wide open spaces were mesmerizing. Once I got used to the landscape, the next thing that caught my attention was the variety of life around – lush farmlands, cattle, goats, hens, dogs, and a wide array of birds.

Then we updated our modest little home into a spacious cottage. I spent a wonderful time exploring the world of Eco-friendly materials and design of open spaces.

Living in wide open spaces gives one the opportunity to read nature. Passage of seasons is beautiful and rhythmic. Everything in Nature, from soil to animals and birds are aware of the change in seasons. They change beautifully and adapt graciously to nature’s ways.

It is only us humans who find it difficult to adapt. Living far away from civilization presents a whole host of difficulties. Adapting graciously to this place has been a constant challenge.

The nearest grocery store is at least 6 km away. If I run out of sugar or salt mid way during cooking, I cannot buy supplies immediately. So, I have to keep tabs on my grocery usage and buy well in advance.

On the other side, the generosity of open spaces is over whelming. If I take a walk, I mostly return home with something to cook. In the rainy season, we get a never ending supply of wild mushrooms. In addition, there are plenty of beans, greens, curry leaves, coriander, yam, sweet potato etc growing around. Farmers around are generous and share their harvest easily.

It is easier to stay fit and active in the countryside. Reason being, you end up doing all the work around the house! Garbage disposal is a multi step process. You segregate your wastes, bury kitchen wastes, pack all plastic wastes and take them out to the trash can in the nearest town, burn dry leaves, paper wastes etc. We do minor plumbing, wiring and repair works, modifications around the house. It does sound like a lot of work.. Is this not enough to keep one fit and active?

The best advantage of living in the country side is about cutting down on unwanted spending. We do not get lured by window shopping. Clothes are brought when they are needed, not when the store has a sale. We rarely eat fast food, instead cook up snacks more often at home. We buy furniture after months of searching for the design and price we have in mind. Online shopping is difficult as home delivery is not available to remote farmlands.

Farmland 1

When spending decreases, savings increase. So we could afford frequent trips and explore places. No impulsive purchases during our trips.. except when the travel destination offers something that we need.., at a better price or quality.

Every minute is quality time spent with family. Views and scenery are beautiful. Life is slow and peaceful. I have become a different person since I started living in the wide open country side.

I am at peace now.

 

 

 

 

 

A father’s anger, fuelled by caste

A cheerful morning dawns… it is wedding day for the lovers. Both are students studying for their engineering degree. Both are from the same religion, but from different castes. The boy hails from a lower caste dalit family, while the girl hails from a relatively upper caste thevar family. The girl’s family oppose their daughter’s choice of a lower caste man. Against their wishes, the lovers enter wedlock.

Post marriage, the girl’s family continues with their opposition. They relent their daughter’s life in a lower caste family. They bring her away and try changing her mind. But she returns back to her married life. They continue threatening her and her husband. But of no avail. Police complaints are lodged.. but no sign of the threats abating. Finally, after 8 months of marriage, three hooligans stop the couple in the center of a busy street in broad daylight. They hack the boy to death, and beat the girl up. Before the surprised city people could understand if this was a cinema shooting or a political rivalry, the boy’s breathing stops. This happened two days back in a western district of Tamil Nadu.

honour-killing1

Are we talking of a socially or economically backward region? No.. Tamil Nadu is a socially and politically progressed state. Tamil Nadu’s fight against caste oppression began more than 50 years back. Even before India got its independence, there were social movements questioning the caste system in South India. Marriages devoid of religious ceremonies are legal in Tamil Nadu. It is common to see socially progressive women remove their mangal sutras for convinience. Successive governments have strongly encouraged inter caste marriages.

Art, Literature and Movies have also encouraged thinking beyond caste and religious identities since decades. In fact, Tamilians spread across countries since the days of rajahs have followed this culture.

A socially forward society is suddenly walking backwards… shedding its rational nature, and embracing caste identities.

What has led to this downward turn of events…? Is it political vendetta of caste based outfits.. or is it a trend in tamil cinema towards caste based pride… or is it just fate?

I see this as a consequence of the celebration of heroism and honor.While many sections of the society actively move towards rational thinking… other sections have been moving towards hero worship. Post independence, there have been many heroes in the Tamil society. These heroes create an image of a generous, righteous and god like character for themselves. Cinema and / or caste movements give a helping hand here.

Once a hero attains this status of a protector and benefactor of the society, anything and everything he does is worshiped and praised by the masses. Emotional surges are visible throughout society at the very mention of his / her name. These emotional surges wipe out reasoning and common sense.

A decade of films portraying village chieftains and local dons paved way for this trend to take on local caste based identities. A common Hero for Tamil Nadu… was replaced with many heroes, one for each caste. A common collective identity and pride was replaced with caste identity and caste pride. This effect trickled down to politics too… Now many arenas in Tamil Nadu, from politics to movies are populated with local heroes with strong caste identities.

Society has now reached a point where an angry father can demand his daughter’s life if she becomes the wife of a lower caste man. This is  helped by the presence of influential political leaders of the same caste..In addition, it is fueled by movies glorifying the caste’s identities and culture. Men and women from this caste, spread across Tamil Nadu, might unite to protect the father… and empathize with him.

Youngsters and students who should be empathizing with the slain man and his wounded wife are busy with fun and frolic of college life… or they are busy with placements and examinations.

Men and women from the man’s lower caste are busy bringing good income to the government run liquor shops. While, there are a handful of demonstrations and agitations  from the lower caste questioning this… There is no sign of a mass movement urging the government to take strict action.

Elections are round the corner. The continuing string of honor killings should influence election results. But, schemes that promise free rations, free electronic appliances, free wages, subsidized housing etc have a stronger influence on election results.

Humanity, and the right to live have taken a back seat… Desire for easier ways to accumulate material wealth is of high social priority now. In fact, that seems to be the biggest collective priority.

Am I too a part of the same society..? Apart from being a silent spectator to this, what can I do? I can vote. I can clean my mind of hero worship and caste identity before casting my  vote.

your-vote-counts

Do I know the policies of the party and person I am voting for..? If not, I will also bear the consequences of his / his party’s faulty policies.. my family and future generations might be affected.

Did I favor him because of his caste or creed or religion..? If yes, I am risking my right to a dignified and peaceful life. A false sense of pride will not help me or my family’s progress.

Montessori Schools

Montessori schools are fast spreading throughout India. If you are the parent of a toddler searching for play schools for your child, you would have seen Montessori schools in your neighbourhood. For those who are wondering what Montessori schools are all about, this post is for you! Read on to know more…

Montessori is a different approach to education. Montessori schools have no normal classrooms with teachers teaching children. Instead, they have classrooms where teaching aids are placed all around. Children are free to explore these teaching aids as they wish. These classrooms are similar to a home where children’s toys are spread around, and the child picks a toy as she pleases. The only difference is Montessori has specialised toys that help the child explore, observe and understand.

If children are free to do what they want.., and learn by themselves, what is the role of teachers in Montessori play schools?
Teachers are observers and guides. They monitor and observe every child’s progress. they help and guide children with their activities when the need arises. In Montessori play schools, teachers introduce different kinds of activities to children, and then let the child take it up as per his will.

Child in a Montessori school

Montessori classrooms group children based on their age. Unlike traditional schools, montessori schools follow a mix of ages. For example, children from age group of 3 to 6 can be grouped together. This is because, children in age group 3 to 6 have similar development milestones. Schools or Classrooms for children of this age group focus on activities like spooning, pouring to exploring textures, shapes to basic maths, language, music and art materials.

Montessori materials in a classroom

Montessori materials

Children’s physical, mental and intellectual abilities grow in stages. Starting from birth to adolscent years, this growth happens in stages. These stages are commonly referred to as development milestones. Montessori teaching aids are designed based on these stages of development. For three year olds, their normal development milestones would be muscular co-ordination, speaking and sentence formation, Identifing clours, textures and shapes, first stage of counting, etc. Thus, teaching aids for montessori play schools focus on activities like spooning,pouring, stacking cups, staircase rods, color cards, texture cards, rhythm, beats, drawing and colouring.

Advantages of Montessori education when compared with traditional education is: Montessori encourages children to continue their exploration and creativity at school. It allows children to be free and learn at their pace. No peer pressure or schedules. It thrives by encouraging every child’s in-born urge to explore, discover and create.

How did Montessori system come into practise?

This method of education was first practised by an Italian physcian and educator named Maria Montessori. She started developing her education methods in  1897. She opened the first Montessori class room in Rome in 1907. It spread gradually, and finally reached the US in 1960 where it gained popularity. Thousands of schools in the US have adopted the Montessori methods of education. Since then, Montessori has spread to almost all countries and is widely seen throughout the world as a unique approach to eduction.India Montessori

India was one of the early countries to adopt the Montessori method of education starting from 1939. Maria Montessori lived in India for a brief time with her son. During this time, she opened Montessori centres in Madras, Pune, Ahmedabad and Karachi. There are several legendary training institues in India that impart training on Montessori education. Montessori schools in India employ teachers trained in these prestigious institutions.

If you are interested in becoming a Montessori trained educationist, please check out India Montessori Centre  and Indian Institue for Montessori Studies .

If you are a parent interested in Montessori education for your children, pay a visit to the nearest Montessori school. Montessori schools allow interested people to sit in as observers in their class rooms.

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Image sources: The Growing Concern School, Montessori Tides School, The International Montessori Council.

Choosing a life partner

Are weddings all about shopping, endless phone talks, mid night sms, new relatives, fun and frolic. Yes… very much yes! In addition, it is also about two people, starting a new life together.

In India, and parts surrounding India, arranged marriages are common.Here the bride and groom are new to each other. Their parents meet through a common friend or marriage arranging agents. Their horoscopes were checked to see if they match. The bride and groom’s photos are exchanged to get their consent. Of late, the bride and groom meet and talk to each other before giving their consent.

Then starts the elaborate marriage arrangements. It accumulates in a grand three dayor two day celebration and religious rituals. Fun, feasting and celebrations follow for months. After this, the married couple live happily ever after.

Jodha Akbar

Truth is that, after all this, the married couple are faced with a new life, and a plethora of activities to handle together.  Rarely do they get enough time to understand each other, identify their spouse’s short comings, accept each other. They rarely become friends and fall in love. Instead, life just rushes by… The initial days are fun with romance and happiness in the air. But as days go by and they have kids, differences between them become obvious. At this stage, neither do they have the time nor the will to understand and accept each other. Is this happening only with arranged marriages? Sadly, No. It happens as much in love marriages as in arranged marriages.

There are lots of marriages, that do not take this route. There are people who prioritise practicalities of life first, before all the fun, frolic and romance. Here are the ground realities for newly married couples:

1. Select your spouse only after you know his strengths and weakness. Do you love him / her irrespective of their weakness and strengths?

2. Have you both talked about managing your finances, family and future plans? This talk is a necessity before marriage.

3. Are you starting your life in a joint family or in a nuclear family? Do you plan to continue the same after having kids? Make sure your partner and you are in the same page on this.

4. Kids… When do you plan to have kids? Are you both mentally and physically ready for startign af amily. If both of you are working, please understand the additional responsibilities that come with raising kids. Do not assume that your parents or in-laws will raise your child and you do not have to worry about it.

5. Are you a woman reading this, and if you are getting married soon… do you understand clearly as to how your personal finances will be handled after marriage? In India, it is a common practise, that after marriage the working women gets her salary and willingly passes it on to her husband. She concerns herself only with the problems of her job, her home and kids. Finance and famly budget remains the husband’s responsibility.kuch-kuch-hota-hai_122611043949

This will invariable lead to problems… Please set aside an amount for your savings. Plan your monthly expenses and set aside money for it. Encourage your husband to do the same with his pay. Pool the rest of your money together to plan for family expenses and savings.

6. Do you both respect each other’s personal space? This in turn translates to, do you both let each other lead a life of dignity and self respect? Compromises are fine, but they cannot be your life saver. If there are issues of self – respect and freedom, voice it out before the wedding. It is fine to reconsider or decide not to marry a person who cannot understand that both man and woman need self respect, freedom and dignity.

Considering these aspects do not mean that you are dis-obeying or questioning the choice of your parents or elders. It is all about deciding the life you want for yourself.

This is not a guide to fool proof marriages! It is only a window that opens onto happy love filled marriages. Wishing everyone lots of love, joy and fun.