Secrets behind skin color and complexion

What defines a woman? Is it her brains, abilities, nature, beauty,  curves or skin color ..

There are so many of us, both men and women who take skin color very seriously. Many of us are proud of our skin color  We take all efforts to maintain it. There are an equal number of us who feel inferior, or at the least, not satisfied with our skin color  We continue our life feeling inferior about our skin color.


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Is skin color really worth anything, or is it just another false judgement of our society?

Will a fair skinned teacher make your child score high marks, than a brown skinned teacher? The answer depends on the teacher’s skills and methodologies, not on her color.

Will a fair skinned doctor cure you sooner, than a darker skinned doctor? Will we risk our health based on the doctor’s skin color, or will we give importance to the doctor’s credentials and treatment methods?

These examples go on and on… It only proves that when it really matters, we give importance to abilities, brains, credentials, experience, etc… rather than skin color!

Medha Patkar

Image source: Hindustan Times

Now what really decides our skin color?

Our skin has a protein called melanin. When Suns rays affect our skin cells, this melanin protects our skin. So when we are exposed to Sun, our skin automatically creates more melanin. This melanin collects in the top layers of our skin, preventing the below layers from damage. This makes our skin dark.

If our ancestors had lived in areas of high sunlight, their skin would have more of melanin. We inherit the same from our ancestors through our genes. This is why some of us are born dark. Many of us who are exposed to sun light because of work or other reasons develop more melanin, thus making us dark, though we are born fair.

This is the reason why people living around the equator have dark complexion and people living in the north pole have fair complexion.

What is forgotten is, this melanin makes us dark… but it protects our skin and our body from sun’s harmful rays. 

Dalit girl

Keeping this in mind, is it not foolish to believe in creams and treatments that claim to change our skin color! If it really works, can we predict what will happen to our skin cells after their composition is altered? How safe are these treatments from skin cancers and skin diseases.

It is rubbish to say people with less melanin are more superior! It is even more stupid to believe you and your children are inferior because of skin color!

Lets forget all this hype about fairness and skin color.

It is our personality, smartness, communication and abilities that measure success and happiness. Do not measure yourself or others based on looks or skin complexion.


Joint family – the delicate balance

Grandma’s, aunts, in-laws, cousins, kids,… and you have to find your place among these many people who live under one roof. Joint families are heaven for many, and a living hell for many. What makes it a heaven or hell?

The obvious answer is people and relations! Having one nagging sister-in-law or an interfering mother-in-law can make the joint family very difficult… Yet it is possible to lead a peaceful life in every joint family.


Image source: TopYaps


1. How do I retain my individuality, when I am expected to play the role of the perfect daughter-in-law?

2. How do I continue my hobbies / work / career when I am cooking and doing household chores all day?

3. How can I plan / delay having kids without answering questions?

4. Is it possible to retain my personal space and privacy ?

5. Can I protect the personal life between my spouse and me?

Causes to these problems:

Not one.. but many 🙂

The most common reasons for these problems are immature people in the family, very delicate relationships, etc…

saas bhi kabhi bahu thi 1

Image Source: The Sunday Tribune

Yet, there are ways to deal with these problems:

1. Take heart; you are not the only person facing problems. There are so many others in other families and in your own family too, who face problems. Many have found ways to deal with their problems and lead a peaceful life. So can you, if you have the patience and strength.

2. Watch, understand and accept people around you…. If you have an interfering aunt or mother-in-law, accept the fact that she has been an interfering person even before you entered the family. Interfering in other’s life  is her Nature and character. Protect yourself from her interfering character.

3. Keep away from people whom you have problems with. If you have to stay in the same joint family, then try avoiding having frequent conversations or personal discussions with people whom you have problems with.

4. If you are asked questions about your personal life / personal finances / career etc.., keep your answers short and simple. Giving lengthy answers and trying to defend your self will lead to unnecessary discussions / arguments.  You do not have to justify your personal matters to anyone else!

5. Keep yourself occupied with your hobbies / career / social activities. Focusing on your family will wipe out your talents and self -esteem.

6. Keep doing what you are good at… It is the biggest boost to your self-esteem. For example, if you are good at something (business / administration / teaching / sewing / cooking etc..), do not give it up for any reason. 

7. Protect your personal life with your spouse. Have personal intimate discussions with your spouse on matters that concern you. Of course, this requires co-operation from your spouse as well.

Happy peaceful women

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There is a Tao saying:

Rather than make the first move
it is better to wait and see.
Rather than advance an inch
it is better to retreat a yard

The bottom line:

It is quite natural to have likes and dis-likes. We can like members of our family, we can also dis-like them. But considering someone as our enemy will make our life difficult. It is better to retreat or keep away from people we dis-like. Why waste precious time in fighting or arguing… why involve in mind games?

The secret to a peaceful life is to ignore silly minded people. Focus on more important things. Keep doing what you are good at. Become financially independent. Do not lose your self-esteem or peace of mind at any cost! 

— These observations are based on my own experience and from other’s close to me. Your additions to this list are most welcome.